My pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. I always say “Morning”instead of “Good morningâ€–if it were a good morning, I’d still be sleeping and not talking to people! Want to know what it’s like to have the best kid in the world? You’ll have to ask Grandma and Grandpa. I get enough exercise from pushing my luck. Studies show that people who have the most of them live the longest. Heaven won’t take me and hell’s afraid I’ll take over.īirthdays are good for you. I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.Ĭancel my subscription–I don’t need your issues. Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything. Know the difference between your opinion and a pizza? I asked for a pizza. I finally found a machine at the gym that I like: the vending machine! You know what they say–dynamite comes in small packages. The best part of going to work is coming home at the end of the day. Whatever you’re doing, always give 100 percent. When people tell me, “You’re going to regret that in the morning,”I sleep until noon because I’m a problem solver. Good thing Noah took those two coffee beans on board.Ī diamond is just a lump of coal that did well under pressure. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.Īlcohol does not solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.Īll my life I thought air was for free. The tenth is humming.Īlcohol! Because no great story started with someone eating a salad.ĭo not argue with an idiot. Every time I open it, it makes me cry.ĩ out of 10 voices in my head say that I’m crazy.

I just need to figure out who’s going to do it. Make sure to share them with your family and friends! Here are some hilarious jokes you’re going to love to hear. Best Funny Phrases To Say Unsplash / Priscilla Du Preez

3 funny words